Satire: MMA Media Having Trouble Finding Right Angle On Dana's Double-Homicide

MMA Media Having Trouble Finding Right Angle On Dana's Double-Homicide


Las Vegas—More than a week after UFC President Dana White's cold-blooded killing of a pair of rival promoters, members of the MMA media admitted Tuesday that they were still trying to find the best angle for covering the gruesome crime.

"I know there's a story in there somewhere," said Yahoo columnist Kevin Iole, referring to White's execution-style slaying of Bjorn Rebney and Scott Coker on July 1st. "Right now though, it's probably best to just sit back and wait for more information to come in. After all, the only thing we know for sure is that Dana White senselessly murdered two unsuspecting MMA promoters without emotion or hesitation."

Added Iole, "It's not so cut and dried."

Since the killings took place, MMA reporters across the country have struggled to come up with an appropriate take on the ruthless crime, with some wondering whether it warrants front-page coverage, and others questioning its relevance in a fast-changing media landscape.

"What exactly is the news hook here?" asked Dann Stupp of MMAJunkie. "Is this an upbeat human-interest story about a 'day in the life' of a bloodthirsty UFC President who likes to kill the competition, literally? Or is it more of an examination of how Dana's unusual upbringing in Boston helped to shape the way he would one day viciously butcher two helpless promoters in their own home?"

"Or maybe the story is just that murder is now a viable business option," Stupp continued. "I don't know. There are a million different angles on this one."

So far, White's double-homicide has not been covered by any major MMA news outlets. The only two mentions of the heinous tragedy have been a 100-word blurb on FightOpinion and an obituary on page E7 of this week's edition of the Wrestling Observer Newsletter.

While Dana White has expressed no remorse for the grisly murders—point-blank shootings with an unregistered .38-caliber revolver—many journalists said it would be irresponsible for the press to sensationalize the story.

"There's been some debate around the office about whether we should report on this at all," BloodyElbow.com Editor Luke Thomas said while on assignment at a local jiu jitsu tournament. "It's enough of a tragedy without the press jumping in and perfunctorily pointing fingers or, worse, exploiting the violence. To wit, we need to be sensitive to the victims' families at this time. Personally, I'm for virtually anything that drives out the carnie, low rent element of MMA. If one takes the notion of becoming part of the larger sporting community and conversation seriously, cold bloodedly murdering and disposing of hobbyists MMA promoters from the mix is a must"

"I don’t think this is a “murder” or “double-homcide, per se,” said Michael Rome of Bloody Elbow. "I mean, it’s just a business move from a business seeking to maximize profit by eliminating their competition, which is their job. The motivation probably isn’t that tricky. There's nothing to see here, move along."

The MMA Weekly newsroom is reportedly still undecided on whether or not to print a recent letter received from White, in which the UFC President threatens to kill another helpless promoter every Tuesday and "fill [his] heavenly palace with slaves for the afterlife" unless the the entire mixed martial arts community ceases operation and recognizes Ultimate Fighting as the one and only true way.

"Dana White's letter presents us with a classic journalistic quandary," MMA Weekly writer Steve Maracco said. "If we print it, then we're giving him control over the kinds of stories we choose to run. It would be an acknowledgment that we somehow give the UFC special treatment."

Marocco's co-worker with MMA Weekly Tom Hamlin chimed in , "And that's just not how the press in MMA works."


With apologies to the Onion